This was taken from a journal post I had written on Cafemom. I wrote it because I had just suffered a miscarriage and wanted to let people know what they can do to help.
I'm writing this because most of you know I recently suffered a miscarriage at 9 weeks. My friends (in real life and on Cafemom) have been just wonderful. The support was amazing and it totally helped me get through a lot of rough days. While this is no fault of anyone and I hope it does not sound like I'm ungrateful, I noticed a few things that I'm sure I have even done when faced with a similar situation and you never really know what to do unless you have been there yourself.
So, with that said, here are a few tips on what to do (or not do) if someone you know has suffered a loss, whether it be a miscarriage, a child, spouse, a sibling, a parent, etc.
1. So many phone calls and emails come in during the first few days but then the phone stops and the emails stop only a few days later and you feel alone again. Don't worry about bothering us with your calls or emails, just continue the support. If we don't want to talk, we most likely won't answer the phone or respond to the email.
2. Don't just act like nothing ever happened because you don't know what to say. Just saying you are sorry is enough.
3. Don't assume they don't wan to talk about it. Ask them if they would like to talk.
4. On special occasions (or milestones if you know them) send them a note to let them know you didn't forget what they are going through and that you are there for them.
5. Don't assume that we are getting bombarded by calls and emails. If you want to call or email, just do it. It's worse when no one reaches out because they think other people are.
I've received so much from so many people but I just thought I would throw this out there because I know before this loss, Iwas guilty of probably everything on the list. I know that now I will look at other people's losses in a much different light.
Pro Flowers
12 years ago
